March 25, 2015

The wall is up, but I'm ready for it to come down.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday and I spoke words out loud I hadn't really shared before. Part of the reason I am not writing here is because I find myself guarding my words and thoughts more than ever. It was once said to me, "Write nothing down that can be used against you." Friends, it can all be used against you.

And so I am quiet right now.

You see, I say "friends" but I also know others read here. Those looking for fault, blame, and accusation. Those looking for weak links, wrong words, bad spelling. People who are waiting for me to say something they can use against me.

They may not even know they do it. But they do. They have. And so everything is locked up tight and I am quiet. The matters of my heart, and mind, and soul stay silent and I share only that which is safe: ways to help people and crochet patterns.

Oh, this time has been about release, right? Didn't I say that a while back? Yes, I just looked. I did. I was redefining myself. Releasing what others thought. Digging deep into what God said. And that has certainly been going on, but I'm pretty sure it will for the rest of my life to different degrees. And my words are starting to write in my head again. But on this page I still feel the wall. I still feel guarded.

So, how do I get the word back on the page? How do I write hard stuff, easy stuff, experiences, vulnerability, and anything really when I feel someone constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for me to give them more ammunition?

I'm sort of hoping just by saying this I  might unblock the dam. I doubt the words will come pouring through, but maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get some drafts going with a future publish date waiting to happen.

How do you write anyway?

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March 18, 2015

Squints

I first saw Melody of BGC wearing a hat like this in one of her videos of The Walk class. Not exactly, of course, because it was knit. But I loved the way it looked, which was comfy and squishy. I saw a few similar knit ones on Pinterest, and decided it was time for a crochet one. It took me a bit to get the right look, I have another hat in the other room that didn't quite go where this one did as proof. But once I remembered the extended single crochet stitch (link to video if it's new to you) I knew it would work. I'm thrilled with the result and I hope you are as well!

007 008
005 004


Used a G hook and yarn from my stash.

exsc : extended single crochet : Insert hook in indicated stitch, yo, pull up loop, yo, pull through 1 loop on hook, yo, pull through 2 loops on hook.

fpsc : front post single crochet
sc : single crochet
tc : turning chain

Chain 2.
Row 1: in second chain from hook, exsc 12 times, join with first exsc (12 stitches)
Row 2: chain 2, 2 exsc in each stitch, join wtih first exsc (24 stitches)
Row 3: chain 2, * exsc, 2 exsc, repeat from * around, join with first exsc (36 stitches)
Row 4: chain 2, exsc around, join with first exsc (36 stitches)
Row 5: chain 2, * exsc, exsc, 2 exsc, repeat from * around, join with first exsc (48 stitches)
Row 6: chain 2, * exsc, exsc, exsc, 2 exsc, repeat from * around, join with first exsc (60 stitches)
Row 7: chain 2, * exsc, exsc, exsc, exsc, 2 exsc, repeat from * around, join with first exsc (72 stitches)
Row  8: chain 2, exsc around, join with first exsc (72 stitches)
Rows 9-11: chain 1, * fpsc, sc, repeat from * around, join in tc (73 stitches now counting tc)
Rows 12-15: chain 2, exsc around, join with tc
Rows 16-18: chain 1, * fpsc, sc, repeat from * around, join in tc
Rows 19-22: chain 2, exsc around, join with tc
Rows 23-25: chain 1, * fpsc, sc, repeat from * around, join in tc
Rows 26-29: chain 2, exsc around, join with tc
Rows 30-33: chain 1, * fpsc, sc, repeat from * around, join in tc
Row 34: chain 1, sc around, join in first sc


I would love for you to join the conversation through 
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