Pease pray for Moore and Shawnee, Oklahoma

I have no pictures. I have no videos. There is nothing here to enthrall you.

I sat in the shelter under our garage with 7 other adults, 6 children and 2 dogs. We sat nervous and expecant waiting for what we were told was coming. As the sound started we all hushed and listened. I don't know if I can explain... so many have said trains, and I understand that but it doesn't quite get it. Maybe more like a rush of wind and thunder that never stops, or moves slowly through space. And then the quiet, and we sat. Our weather radio was static, and we didn't know the channel had been changed. So we sat and waited, because sometimes they come back. We didn't want to leave too soon. And I don't know what happened but a similar sound came by again and we sat and held our breaths again.

What must it have been like for those who were closer. What must it have been like for those who experienced the full brunt force of the object which barrelled it's way through town. I can't imagine.

We crawled out of the hole, not knowing what to expect, but got nothing we could have imagined. Blue skies, no rain, calm wind, other people slowly coming out of their respective hiding places. We all breathed, but knew we were simply spared what others must have experienced. Small pieces of other people's lives fell to our feet and onto the rooves of our homes.

The phone miraculously rang and it was my father. Then I finally got a text through to my husband and sister. For not being raised here, how is my family all within a mile from me? How can a tornado threaten all of us when we aren't in the same neighborhood? But we were all spared. No damage, no harm, just emptier fridges until the lights come back on. How is it that we were spared? I cannot say. I am simply glad God was with us all..

I have since driven through parts of the town who experienced the full brunt force, and I can fully understand now what people mean when they say it looks like a warzone. I couldn't imagine. Now my heart breaks because it's not my imagination.

I am so thankful for the resilience of the people in the area. They are already cleaning and combing and straightening and fixing. They aren't wasting a minute in helping everyone get back to normal, or a new normal for many. There is outreach from churches, local universities, national organizations, and neighborhing states. I have had a multitude of people offer help and assistance. Whataburger is giving all of their employees a gift card to help with expenses during this time. Through the horrors of life so many times come the amazing spirit of people to help one another, to do what is possible, and sometimes to do the impossible.

We? We are fine. We suffered no damage, and I know without a doubt the crews are working their tails off to get the electricity back as soon as they can. We? We are trying, to help others, to reach out, and to get those who really need help the help they need. We? We are praying, crying out to the God above who is with us all to help our hearts regardless of how touched we were by the storm.

Please pray for the Moore area, and the Shawnee area who was hit the day before our tornado. If you can give please do so. But please don't forget to pray. What they have been through is unthinkable. I'm simply grateful God walks with all of us.

Winter of Heart

As I write it is the middle of April. There are feet of snow up north, ice in the trees here, and cold in the air. It's not the latest winter I have felt, but I'm ready for it to pass. I woke up this morning to the heater roaring and before my eyes were fully open I was already fighting within my heart.

Yesterday I realized someone I used to know had blocked me on facebook. It surprises me each and every time it happens, and while I have talked to other people about it to clear the air, I am simply tired right now. I woke up feeling more on the edge than normal. In fact, I felt down right excommunicated.

Not just by that one person, I could give you a list of people who don't particularly care for me. I grow weary some days trying to not let it bother me. I grow so tired pretending it doesn't matter. Some days I actually make believe I am loved by all and forget those who don't love me. But I'm like everyone else. And some days I give those who don't love me more weight in my heart than I should.

I sat down to my journal and spilled my heart to God. I gave him my tears, my pain, and my heartache. I thought about those who I wish I was closer to, but I'm not. And probably will never be. And I started getting overwhelmed by the whole of it. I started forgetting my blessings because I was so focused on my loss and lack.

And God gently redirected my thinking. He reminded me that I have my dear family who loves and supports me. He showed me how we were bound and how grace and mercy tightens those bonds regularly. He opened my eyes to my friends who touch my life. He allowed me to see how they are there in their myriad of ways, helping me let go of expectations which are unreasonable and selfish. He made me look at how much weight I had given to people who don't care for me, and how little weight I had given to those who do. Including Him. He whispered into my heart and I felt the love begin to fill up the hole I had dug.

I will be honest, sometimes being on the edge of a group is hard. Sometimes it feels more like not fitting in. Sometimes it feels like being excluded when you can't give what they need. Sometimes it feels like a pushing away. I go through this whenever my focus gets off, which is usually when a reminder of what was or what I wish pops up. But today I learned I'm learning.

I may be on the edge of several groups, but like the winter that seems to keep hanging around, it truly is Spring. It is. And the flowers will bloom, and the trees will green, and the gardens will grow; once the sun comes out and warms things up. I can't do a thing about what is outside my window, but it seems I am responsible for what is inside my heart.

Shoring up the foundation

It was interesting. I had been reading a friend's blog about "cleaning house", and I had been grateful that we had those bases covered. It wasn't that I thought I was better than her, it was that I thought we had simply been there done that. Then suddenly a moment appeared and I realized I needed to do just what she was doing. Well, maybe not just.

Isn't that the way of it though? We realize we are in dire straits and we want to find someone who has walked the path so that we can take the same steps they have. The problem is, we are all in a different place and so her steps would not work for me. At the very least she has 3 and I only have 1 still at home. So, what's a mom to do?

In this situation I knew exactly what I needed to do, I simply needed to do it. And friends, it was not easy. But a new schedule was developed, some new activities implemented, and we are still working through the new things and the attitudes about it all. No one likes hard. If we had our choice we would move through life ignoring the hard parts and just pretending it's all easy peasy. But that wont get us very far. Eventually we will have to deal with the stuff because it will keep us from moving forward. And the new schedule, new responsibilities, and new attitudes dealt with the stuff. All of our stuff.

You see, another person can be an inspiration, but you have to walk it out in your own life. The thing is, I'm pretty sure you already know what to do. Of course, if not get the help you need. But please, as I have always said about homeschooling curriculum, make the information you take in fit YOU. If you try to fit it things will unravel eventually.