April 20, 2015

We all have our somedays...

Some days I lose my focus midway through a story. I try to figure out where I was going, but generally I don't remember until much later. I'm grateful for those who laugh with me when I realize I'm lost, and those who help me remember where I was going.

Some days I walk right smack into a glass wall. The door was two steps back. I was in the gym which was overflowing with people. I'm grateful for those who check to see if I'm okay before they laugh with me.

Some days I get angry over a situation and want to be justice itself. I threaten. I exclaim. I dare. I'm grateful for those who do that with me in the safety of my kitchen where no one will really get hurt but we can laugh about the crazy people by the end of the conversation.

Somedays

Some days I share a story that is small in the view of the world, but is big in my heart. I open up and share the words which haven't been spoken before. I'm grateful to those who listen and are kind and loving and give importance to my feelings and emotions without sizing them up against anything else.

Some days I'm an observer. Usually because my heart is dealing with something it can't speak of, for whatever reason. I'm grateful for those who sit and observe with me. For those who don't pry but wait and are okay if I never say a word.

Some days I get flustered in the middle of a conversation and don't know what to say. My eyes drop, or look outside, and all that is running through my mind is, "Say something!" I'm grateful for the kindness in eyes when I come back to the conversation, and the understanding of friendship.

Some days I get grumpy and moody. I'm not much fun to be around, and there are only a select few who I allow into that circle on those days. I'm grateful that select few still find it worth their time to be around me, and love me enough to be okay with me even when I growl.

Somedays two

Some days I get weepy about things others are strong about. I get frustrated with myself when I do this, but I'm so grateful for the shoulders, prayers, and kindness of others when I hit that spot.

Some days I make a mess or break something by accident in the last place I ever want to do such a thing. I'm grateful for those who help me believe it's not that big of a deal, even when others are acting just the opposite.

Some days my hurt and pain lead me more than I would admit. In those times I don't reach out very much, nor do I pay attention to anyone else. I'm grateful for those who reach in to me, and help me out of myself gently.

somedays three

We all have these days. Be grateful for those who help you through them.

April 18, 2015

Some seasons you grow roots

I've met a variety of people through my time here on the web. Through classes, blogs, facebook, and the like, our paths have crossed and I still know many of them. I may not be their best friend, but I watch and see how they grow in their lives, and I'm often amazed at the things they do.

I have seen ezines come to life, online classes bloom, business soar, brick buildings moved into, groups gathered, and art created. And sometimes, sometimes, I have a hard time seeing what I may have done in the same time period that they used.

branches

Some dreams are known quickly. Some dreams take years to realize. Some dreams are procrastinated. Some dreams are given up on. Some dreams never get their first foothold.

There are definitely times I feel like a failure when I compare myself to all these amazing people. I wonder about my paths and choices. Should I have done more? Should I have tried longer? Could I have moved quicker? But the truth of the matter is, it has taken me many years to flesh out my dreams. And even still I'm not sure of all the pieces that will go into it or how it will look. At this point it's a heart call. A desire of something I want to do. I'm still working it out.

While the work I have done in the same time period isn't as visible, I haven't been completely stagnate. What I have done is found a few ideas that weren't meant to be, learned there are a few things I do not want to give up, found a direction to move in, and realized an idea I want to hold on to.

plants

These things I have been doing are similar to roots growing on a plant. Plants go through a few seasons where the leaves fall off, the flowers go away, and some plants might even look dead. But often the roots are growing deeper. Or it may just be resting, I'll admit. But both conditions are important to the growth of the leaves and flowers in the next season.

Sometimes building isn't visible. Sometimes growing happens on the inside. And that's okay. This is where we have to go back and not compare ourselves to others. We don't know how long it took them to grow their roots before they started branching out. Don't try to hurry the process for yourself. If you are where I find myself, then know the work you are doing right now is just as important as the work you will do when it's all falling together. You'll bloom in your own time.


April 16, 2015

How are you seeing things?

I read some fan fiction the other day. It was based off of Harry Potter, written as if Petunia had made different choices. Feel free to go read it hereWhat I liked the most was how it took Petunia's story, told it from her perspective and understanding, but helped her make better choices. Choices not steeped in fear and hatred, but love.

The truth of the matter is every story has different perspectives. There is the story from the main character's point of view, the side kicks, the villain's, and the bystanders. Of course, in each story we can all take on a variety of roles, but the fact remains, we have our perspective and they have theirs.


It's hard trying to see a story from another person's perspective. They have to be vulnerable enough to tell it, and we have to be honest enough to hear it. Not just wait until they stop talking in order to tell and defend our side, but to try to understand. Try to see. How different is their story from ours, when we thought we knew it all?

Not only that, but there is the minute perspective which can be compared to the big picture perspective. Sometimes what happens in our little bubble is affected by what is happening two blocks down, but we have to step back to see it clearly. We have to step out of our bubble to know.


I'm not always the best at seeing things from another person's perspective, especially when I'm smack in the middle of it. Oh, I can look at them and explain how they could have handled a situation better, but I can't always see myself quite as clearly. I know that's the truth of it, but it doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm stuck in my own story. 

But there comes a moment when it strikes me: this is not just about me. I have to realize I don't know it all, and there is much I have no clue about. When I am able to have those moments it doesn't necessarily change my story, but I gain an understanding I didn't have before.


Life is hard. Situations are hard. Choices are hard. Sometimes we don't do so well and the consequences are not ours alone to bear. The baggage we bring to a moment in time colors how we see things and what we do. We are not absolved from our actions and words, but understanding how someone got to that moment sometimes helps us forgive them for their actions and words. 

It's not so much about excusing their behavior, as it is understanding.
And through understanding we can being to forgive.
And maybe we can even learn to love and forgive ourselves as well.


Petunia's story helped me sympathize with her situation, her loss. I understood the character a little differently. I don't know if it is how the original author meant for the story to be seen, but that perspective will now color how I see Petunia and her actions, even if she didn't make the loving choices in the original story. Even if she lived out of fear instead.


When we can understand one another a little better, and see things from each others perspective, then things change. Instead of being so sure we are right, we might make room to understand that there is more to the story than we know.

For if another person is involved with the story, there will always be more.