September 25, 2013

Actually, there are no super powers to take-out danger.

My mom and sister came to one of the first self-defense classes taught by my taekwondo school Much laughter ensued, we had a great time, and they walked away learning a few techniques on how to protect themselves. On the way home we got into a discussion about how we were raised, and my sister said she has always been very wary even before taking any classes. My mom said the same thing. I sat for a minute and realized that what I had before my classes was a false sense of security.




September 19, 2013

It is a good and helpful habit to recognize real fear.

My goal is never to cause you to live in fear. In fact, it is my belief the more truth you know the more sound your thinking will be. I want you to know the truth. I want you to be aware. I want you to live in a way where you are free and willing to do what you love. I do not want you to lock yourself in your home fearing to step outside, coming up with a variety of scenarios that "might" happen.

But sometimes my best intentions fail miserably, and I know that. So, before we go any further it is important for you to know fear we contrive will actually keep us from recognizing true fear which can save us. If you see something in every shadow you wont realize when someone is actually there hiding.


September 17, 2013

When the attacks come from within

How often do you find yourself in the middle of a day when you realize the one you have had to fight the most was yourself? You can call it friendly fire but really it's not so friendly and it's not so innocent. They are not accidental attacks. They are literal intentional attacks which strike the heart on purpose.

When the weight of the day gets so heavy
and you feel so alone
and you wonder if anything really matters
or if it makes a difference at all.
Each day you wake up
you hope
just for that day
may the feelings and the thoughts and the words
be gone.
But they aren't.
They still slink and slide
in and out
through your brain and into your heart.

But this is what I want you to know.
You can fight yourself as well.
You can fight those lies with the truth.
You can learn a new way to think
by taking those thoughts captive
and replacing them with the heart of our God.
Hold on
You are loved
He is your strong tower
He will always be with you
You will never be alone
You matter
You are beautiful
You are special
You are chosen

The attacks come from all areas. The lies are spoken and thought. The truth can beat them every time but it will take time. And when the hard days come again you have to fight again. But it will go, and it will not define you, and you will realize you can fight because you are so much stronger with God than by yourself.

And He loves you.

So much.



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September 11, 2013

Why am I still afraid?

A bit ago a friend asked me, "What if I wont be healed emotionally here on earth. Like some aren't healed physically?"

I had never thought of that question before. Ever. Is that weird? I thought it was. It seemed like such a right question. At the time I think I came up with an answer of some sort, but the question has sat with me. Because, you see, the truth is I'm not fully healed emotionally either.

Then I read this piece about living broken. I read it this morning about a half an hour ago. And the question and Mary's words started mixing and I had to start writing.

I write about protecting ourselves. I study the times God tells us not to be afraid. I encourage you to step out and do the things you feel God calling you to do. And yet, most days I am still a little scaredy cat.

When I spar I still turn my head fearful of being hit.
When I meet new people I am fearful they wont accept me.
When I write I am fearful I will say the wrong thing.
When I do something for others I am fearful they don't want me to do it.
When I go somewhere new I am fearful of the unknown.

I still have fear in my heart, and that fact sometimes makes me feel like a hypocrite. But then I realized something the other day which mixes in with all of this wonderfully.

it's God

You see, the only reason I feel hypocritical when I am weak is because I think it is me when I am strong. But it's not. God is growing me and helping me and strengthening me and sometimes I rely on Him and sometimes I feel the fear alone. I need to learn to lean in to Him more when I am feeling weak because that's the only place my strength comes from. That's the only place my bravery comes from. That's the only place my peace comes from.

We are broken, as Mary says. We wont be fully healed here on earth possibly, as my friend asks. But what I know is that we can still keep going despite, or because of, that. God is our strength. God is our bravery. God is our constant. We just have to remember to lean into him when we are living frightened. Because sometimes that's exactly how we live. But we keep living anyway, because we know that's what God wants us to do.

Only when our fears stop us do they win.


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September 10, 2013

On a hard day, remember...

Sometimes we simply need someone to remind us of the truth.
Despite what our circumstances look like,
no matter how we feel in the moment,
and regardless of what others have or have not done in our lives,
God loves us.
We need to remember this,
and we need to know this.
When we forget it is when we are in danger
from the true enemy of our soul.
God Chose


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September 5, 2013

You need to know you are worthy of love and defense.

There are days I consider who I was in the past and what I did or didn't do. But sometimes I wonder, who would I be if I had been stronger, believed in myself like I pretended, and didn't try to be loved or make people happy. How would those situations have turned out if I could have stoop up for myself? What would have happened if I had believed I was worth... loving.

Self-defense isn't just the physical act of defending yourself. The heart of defense, as a friend reminded me, is the knowledge that you are worthy of being defended. That you are worthy of  being loved.


September 3, 2013

Why I don't have a Facebook Page for my Blog.

So many people I know have Facebook Pages for their blogs. They are more comfortable keeping things separate and having a public space and retaining a private space as well. I totally understand this thinking, and I actually tried it for a time period last year. Here's a few of the reasons I quit the page and go only with my "private" Facebook.

1. With my dear Captain's idea of opsec, it doesn't matter if my space if private or public. He's very sincere in his desire that information which is private should stay private. Those who really know me know what school I went to, exactly where I live, and who all I am related to. He's happy with it staying that way. I work hard to keep within his request because it is important to him, therefore it is important to me. Sometimes I misstep, but I do try. This is why it doesn't matter if I have a private page.

2. I have had issues with conversations on other people's pages. Now, what this means is I had no idea anyone responded to me. I have had page owners reply to a comment and have even been personally tagged in a comment and not received notification about it. It made me sad when I realized they had in fact gone out of their way to do so, but was seemingly ignored by me because I never knew.

3. I'm not alerted when someone else comments on a page unless I am already friends with them. This makes conversation really hard to do because we can't respond to one another unless we happen to go back and check. (Similar to #2, but different.) This doesn't seem to be an issue with the private pages.

4. I never could get the hang of sharing through my page though I may not have fully understood how the pages worked when I had one. There are so many wonderful things I want to share with my friends and it was just so hard with my page. Don't get me wrong, there are days I share nothing, but I want the flexibility when I do. I think this is why some go to the public page only, because no one wants to be subbed to everything in both places just to share.

5. The private pages give the option for people to sub to our information, so if someone doesn't want to be "friends" but wants all the updates, shares, and links they are still available.

6. I simply didn't do well trying to maintain both my private page and a public blog page. I felt as if I was oversharing posting links on both pages, and I didn't want to overwhelm people so much they simply hid me. That would be opposite of the goal, right? So, instead of trying to get people to move to the public page, I simply just kept the private page going instead.

7. I got caught up in counting numbers when I had the public blog page. Now I just have friends, and honestly I like it a lot better that way.

Not every social media outlet works well for everyone, and we all have to figure out the best way to make it work for us. Facebook has actually become a type of hub for me where everything centers around (check out my new "about" page for more info there) but this is how I do it. Now, to figure out the best way to handle Twitter. And I have one friend who really promotes Google+, so I have no excuse as to why I haven't learned more about it yet.

(And if you are reading this in a reader or in your email know that I have a new look around these digs! I would love if you came and checked it out. The inside scoop on the changes will be forthcoming this week.)


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