I'm not going to try to catch up

Yesterday when I woke it felt like a month of Sundays had passed since I had followed my routine. It was hard, and the bed and sleep kept me in place longer that I liked. The alarm had been ignored, Captain had left for work, and my mind dug feverishly for the motivation to get started. It hadn't been a bad weekend at all. Just full. And long. And so I felt I was starting all over kicking things in gear trying to be the best me I could.

Even after I rose my routine was different than usual for priorities demanded such, and I went with it. Time was shorter, certain things had to be done, other things could wait. It was just how it went. So, this morning when I woke I was faced with the knowledge that I did not do all I should have yesterday. This created a decision point.

I've long believed in having a flexible schedule. Some days demand it. But in the past it would "put me behind" with the feeling that I needed to "catch up." Truly, waking to that idea can get overwhelming. Some seasons in life have you prioritizing daily. Some seasons allow habits and routines to flow smoothly. It's not that one is good or the other bad, it's that seasons come and go. This morning I realized that while my routines should be able to flow smoothly on a daily basis, sometimes they don't. Instead of trying to catch up, I decided to go with the "day one" philosophy again.

Let me give an example from my morning. I'm reading through the Bible this year, or that was my goal. I found a plan that is 5 days a week, which really works best for me. When Captain is home my routines are different than when he's not. This means the weekends don't flow the same. Well, last week he was home on Thursday because we went and did our long run, and then the boys were home for the weekend through Monday. I had a lot of coffee in bed, and talking in the mornings when I did get up. I didn't read between Thursday and Tuesday, because yesterday's priorities kept me from reading as well.

So, instead of trying to catch up and read all those selections today, which oh my word I want it to mean something when I read rather than simply crossing a selection off the list, I decided to simply pick up where I was and keep going. Today is where I am. I refuse to feel as if I am running to catch up with my own life.

I chose to spend those weekend days with my priority being time with Captain and the boys. I don't have that choice every day, I haven't had that choice in a few years, to be quite honest. I don't feel as if I chose wrong, and I'm not going to try to make up for it now that my mornings can fall back into the routines I want to have. Rather, I will wake up with this being "day one" and do what is before me, leaving the past behind me, and not trying to push into the future. No guilt for not reading. No shame for not sticking to my routines. Simply accepting that each day will require different things from me, and flowing with that acceptance.

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