I am horrible at proclamations. I can make them with the best of them, but following through is more difficult. That's where the discipline comes in, doesn't it? Taking the steps, making the choices, to get done what you either need or want to get done. I'm sure by now most people who know, or knew, me roll their eyes when I say something. I have been through so many cycles with the same lessons it's tiring. I get it. It makes me just want stop making proclamations.
Here I am facing the blank page again. The beginning of seven different posts flew through my head last night and are now gone forever. Each one was eloquent, catching, and worthy of my time to write. Wait... Maybe not.
Maybe sometimes I write stuff which means nothing to anyone but me. Maybe that's the truth most of the time.
These little spaces used to be personal areas we could share, learn, and store thoughts, information, and events. And somewhere along the way people changed it. I wont give them motive, though I'm sure you know that's hard for me. But blogging was no longer for personal edification. It changed to when you hit post you better darn well be reaching out to someone, teaching something, or listing a list of 10 greatest whatevers or no one would drop by. But that's the thing, tons of people never really dropped by no matter how beautiful I thought my blog, whose advice on what I should write I listened to, or what score my post title received.
And I began to feel like a failure at blogging.
Same song, second verse. Or third. Or fourth. Or one hundredth.
But I've been sharing lately how I don't have to do things big. How I don't know what God will do with something. How I need to be intentional with my choices. And yet, I had nearly (again) walked away from writing because I didn't see the goal I was to reach for. I didn't feel the purpose I was fulfilling. I clearly couldn't see the scores of people God was touching through me.
And I asked Captain, "Maybe I should just shut down the blog?"
And he replied, "You've said that before."
And I had. So, I had to do something. Either drop it or pick it up.
With everything in my life.
I had to either live out what I was saying, or change the way I was thinking.
Because the back and forth, wishy washy, cycle through again was slaying me.
I get caught up in purpose. I get stuck in how to do things. I freeze when I consider trying to make a difference. Because the truth is I'm not. Not really, I don't think. I have people I have in my life whose lives affect mine, and I share little things which I hope will better another, or help them to be safer, but maybe my writing is just like my #crochetfortheday on Instagram. Just something I do, because I write the intro to seven blogs when I don't think.
Maybe it's simply time to go back to the original blog purpose, and let everything else fall away.
And so, with all that being said: my proclamation is to write on a daily basis once again sharing thoughts, studies, pictures, ideas, and hopefully one of those intros will turn into full posts where I flesh out my feelings, thoughts, and cares.