Don't give up: you don't know what's right off your radar.

I was sitting in the chair in front of my computer. I had finished my coffee and I knew I had a choice. I could either get up and go run as I had planned, or I could not. But articles and quotes and accountability and the end game spurred me on. So I got up and headed out to do something I had never done before.

I think of the scripture found in Proverbs 16:9 {The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.} I'm not sure how this goal setting thing works, but I am amazed at people who can plan past a year. I change and turn and things happen which I never imagine could. Not that they are bad or that I am complaining. But within a month and a week I will be testing for black belt, and four years ago when I began classes I don't think I really thought I would get this far. And two years ago I couldn't run 1/10 of a mile without stopping. I do walk when I am going these longer distances, but I just ran 17 miles. It boggles my mind. So I currently DO have goals, but last year at this time only one was on my radar.

Did God direct my path to these goals? I can't help but think He did, but please don't expect me to explain why. I'm getting to the point where the dots don't want to line up like they once did; or maybe like I once tried to make them.

I keep thinking about the Chariots of Fire quote as well:

I wonder if anyone ever told him that God couldn't have made him to run. That it had to be more. Granted, the gentleman ran at the Olympics. He made a difference. They told his story in a movie. But no one knew that before. And I know it's not the only thing he did. But I wonder if he ever thought it wasn't enough.

I felt God's pleasure when I was raising my babies and taking care of my family. It was a blessing, and while there were hard days I knew I was where I was supposed to be. If raising those boys was the only thing I ever did, at least I did it (mistakes and all).

But that time is done. And I didn't know what was next. I panicked when this empty nest thing started. I didn't want to miss something because I chose incorrectly. And maybe that's not how it works, but it was how I felt. I also felt it needed to be large and impact many people for it to really be from God, for Him to really use it. Not how it works either.

I had ideas, gave myself time to think about them, left some behind, and then came to a point where I simply chose to be in the now. And now is filled with things I never thought would exist in such quantities in my life: running, physical training, strength building, taekwondo, self-defense. And instead of blowing any one of these bigger than they should be in my brain, which believe me I have done a time or two already, I'm existing in the now. Sometimes I question this choice. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough. Sometimes I wonder what happens next.

But I remember what's on my radar now once wasn't, and I don't know what's just off my radar. But God does. So I'm trusting that as I do what is before me, and what makes me feel as if I am doing what I should be, that God will continue to lead me in the way I should go.

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