I sat at the desk staring out the window. My heart started beating faster and I questioned myself. Fiercely. No critic has anything on me. Who was I to be going there? Who did I think I was? I felt panicky and fearful. It was as if I were to be caught in some master deception. I felt like a total fraud. A big old fake.
And then I took a breath.
I will be attending a martial art's camp, and my brain is split in two about it. One part of me, the one that signed up, is excited about learning, looking forward to all the classes but especially the self-defense ones, and nervous about meeting so many people. The other part of me questions my "right" to attend, because I don't know enough yet, and everyone else there will be much more advanced than I am. I am forcing myself to remember that I am simply starting where I am.
I wanted to write a post about "starting where you are" for a while now. I've had the prompt sitting in this space for about half a week at least. Yesterday the words wouldn't come, but the panic attack did. Then I suddenly realized that what I was feeling was what so many feel when they are starting. We think we need to be good at something before we begin. We think we need to know how it all works before we learn. We think we need to be at an advanced level and if not then we feel defeated before we even start.
Two weeks ago I sat with boxes full of books from six years of homeschooling around me. I had to list all the books, and give summaries. After we brought the boxes down I was totally overwhelmed and didn't know how I would get it done. I freaked out a little bit at first, but then I pulled it together because I had to do it. There was no choice. I started where I was by pulling all the books out, putting all the papers in their own pile, and then started going through each year of the munchkin's transcripts to connect it with the corresponding book. After three-ish hours of steady work I was done and it was all behind me. I had to start where I was, in order to end up where I wanted to be.
What is it that you might like to do? Need to do? What have you considered, but are scared to begin? It could be anything, and what I want you to remember is the best thing you can do is start right where you are. Don't try to jump; simply take a step. Just one step which will lead to the next, and the next, and so on. Let God lead you, because you never really know where you will end up, but trust that taking the next step will get you moving. So begin, now.