A messy summary to be pulled apart in the future.
So, for the better part of the last week Captain and I were in Branson. We made the most of having to hear a time share opportunity pitch, and had a really good time. I took two books but never opened them. I took my computer, but touched it only a little. I did a lot of thinking and considering and connecting.
When we first arrived we were exhausted, and what better solution for exhaustion than getting out and walking through a mud ridden, water on the ground, nature hike. We got some pretty shots on our phones, and had much laughter. Truly, it was the perfect way for us to end that day and start the trip.
As the week progressed my mind hit so many topics and was given much to consider. For example, sometimes I feel as if I should have this whole thing worked out already. What thing? Life. I'm a grown up with grown up children. And part of me totally knows exactly where I want to be and is a little frustrated that I'm not there yet. And then I think about how much I do not know, how much I am still learning, and I question my ability to help/teach/share anything. But we all have different starting points and times, right?
And so I try to do what I can; what feels right. And there are days living wholeheartedly is SO difficult, and bowing to what others want would be a thousand times easier. Not that anyone is really putting demands on me, but marking out my own path by my own decisions can be hard. Embracing who I am without apology in the small ways and the big ways. Not letting someone make me feel less than they are, and realizing no one can make me feel anything. And knowing my value does not mean I think I'm better than another, but rather we are all valuable. Recognizing how some thinking is so ingrained that when we are called on it we are startled by it.
And I'm not sure any of this makes any sense to anyone. Hopefully I will be able to pull the weeds out, and offer you some singular ideas to chew on. Hopefully I will be able to chew on them myself.
These paths our lives take aren't always easy, are they? But I'm believing that it's worth it to be who God created us to be, and live abundantly in that direction.