And there was that moment...

Recently I have been made aware that what I thought was... wasn't. Maybe it was my own fault. Maybe I assumed the silence meant approval. Maybe I shouldn't have needed the approval anyway. But suddenly you realize the approval you thought you had all along was not really there.

Now, here's the craziness factor. One thing I thought I had approval about is no longer a player in the game. The other thing I thought I had approval about I knew deep down I didn't.

But somehow when you see the disapproval taken out on someone else, a little part of you takes it personally as well. Because their choices were/are your choices, and you see the negativity towards both.

Personally, I apologized to the one who had been the receiver of the disapproval, and thankfully for them the approval/disapproval in this instance is not an issue.

But then I had to decide. Would it be an issue for me?

offense is my choice

My mind has had all sorts of imagined conversations. I have heard all sorts of "truths" about how these people feel (made up in my head, mind you). I took offense and only shared it only with others who felt the same way I did.

The truth is I will never ever confront this situation, or those people, but I will let things lie dormant because I can't force their approval. I can't make them change their mind or think differently. I. so. can't.

But thankfully in the interim between taking offense and now, I have realized I do have a choice in this matter. I can be mad, upset, and frustrated that the approval I thought I had wasn't really there. I can be discouraged and try to work harder to receive this approval. Or, and that is a big "or" friends, I can release the offense. I can appreciate we are all different and wont see things the same. I can laugh that some are stuck in their own shoes, and try not to be a person who is. I can breathe, and keep working towards my own goals, grateful for those which have been achieved, and so full of gratitude towards those who really do support me and believe in what I do.

It's our choice, right?  I can either accept what they can give or be offended it's not what I wanted.

Ps. I do not pretend this to be an easy process. I will have to face this choice over and over again until I have fully released the hurt and anger over the situation. Until I have forgiven. Until I once again accept them for who they are.

I see it, I do.


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