June 16, 2014

Admitting a fear which holds me back.

From the first prompt of the class:

I'm starting Story 101 again today. I'm excited because I feel as if I am in a different place with my writing than I was when I first took the class, but I realize in many ways I'm in the same place as well. Still struggling with the same struggles, and still fighting with the same fears.

I have been well aware with some of the fears that keep me from writing some things, but this morning I decided I am done holding back. Now, before you think there is some mighty big thing I need to tell you, there isn't. Not really. But I feel my shoulders drop, and my breathing slow, as I think about moving through what has been holding me back.


Maybe it's because I have already spoken out about it a little. You see, what happened to Ms. USA has always been my greatest fear when speaking about self-defense. I have always been scared to death, or maybe to the point of holding back some words, that others would accuse me of blaming the victims of crimes and attacks. I have worded carefully, I have danced gingerly, and I have spoken softly because I didn't want any one to attack me. Ironic, maybe? I'm not sure.

Would you like to know why I am so passionate about self-defense and learning how to take care of ourselves? It's because I know the knowledge I am learning can help people. It's because I know the techniques I can share will make a difference.

It's because I know there are so many people attacked, kidnapped, trafficked, and abused on a regular daily moment by moment basis. And if I can do ANYTHING to help those people, I want to do it. If I can share ANYTHING that will make even a small difference for them, I want to do it.

My dear Captain reminded me that there may always be someone who wants to accuse me of victim bashing, or being thoughtless. While neither of those things are want I want to be called, I have to ask myself a serious question: am I willing to be called those things in order to share what my heart is calling me to share?

If I can help one person become stronger, more knowledgeable, and realize their own power, then my answer must be yes.


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2 comments:

  1. I personally think there is a giant difference between saying "If you get attacked, it's your own darned fault, so protect yourself" and "This world sucks... and it SHOULDN'T be this way... but the current reality is that there are people out there who will hurt you. I don't want it to be you, so please do what you can to protect yourself."

    They're different things and I feel that the second is what you're saying.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. It means a lot to me that you can see my heart. I just know that so many are blinded by their own view they will see it differently. or may. But that may has kept me from doing what I feel I need to do. That is my own fault, I know!! But it is what it is.

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