The {not} quitting of it all.

I'm so grateful for those who share their stories, their struggles, their lessons. I am grateful for those who share what has helped them, the words of others, the actions taken. I am grateful for learning more about myself, and what makes me tick, and seeing myself in the stories others share.

Last Friday I read this amazing post on the Secret Rebel Club's blog. Then I read it again when Elora shared it on her Facebook page Saturday. And I have read it again today before posting this, my thoughts on her words.

I am in the midst of transition. This is a pivot year in which everything I have known, much I have taken for granted as we often do with day to day living, is changing. This is not the first time I have had large changes in my life, and it's not the first time I have noticed new changes creeping in where I didn't expect them. Maybe even where I didn't want them.

It is my nature to hide away, and change can send me to my hermit hole faster than most things. I accept that and am learning to both work with it and grow above it, for there is a time for everything. But as I read Elora's words it was as if a large relief wave crashed over my body and tears came to my eyes.

Quitting and stepping away, feeling as if I don't belong here anyway. The words had fled, and my body felt as if it had been bled, and I wondered what tomorrow would hold. I was trying to not to think about last year at this time, or last month, or yesterday, or ten years ago. I was trying not to move too quickly through time, into the great unknown of tomorrow. My heart was still beating, but my brain was telling me to quit everything I had ever begun. Any ideas which hadn't started. Any plans which had. Any groups, friendships, or connections. I was ready to leave it all behind, but even that idea I had not faced fully. And so I moved through time in limbo, wavering between what I knew to be true and what I felt.

Then Elora's words reminded me.
"I paused and read it. Mourning? Of course. Mourning. All transitions come with it, you know. Even the good kind. The best kind. There's always something—someone?—you're leaving behind and your heart knows. She always knows.
Transitions take time."
I am in transition, and there is a reason they say not to make too many decisions after a time of change. This time is good, and a blessing, it is what we have worked for and struggled towards. There are goals which are finally being met. And as I grasp that things are done, I will mourn what I had, and transition into the days which are yet to come.

I found grace in her words. And the hope to hang on. And I just wanted you to read her words as well if you find yourself there, too. 

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