I ran this morning for the first time since I tried to run the 10K. It was a hard run. Instead of going to the gym I ran around the nearest park, and while I was telling myself to simply move my feet I had a realization.
I'm the type of person who likes to organize and plan, but rarely am I able to carry it through. New Year's resolutions have rarely stayed with me because after a week or two I fail miserably at continuing them. I told someone I was going to start having a quiet morning time where I sat out on my front porch and drank coffee and the day, that lasted about 2 weeks. I picked up a book of poems to start my mornings with, it's due back with only one poem having been read. I came up with two versions of morning schedules, which I carried through for about two weeks. The idea of having a regular routine is delicious, but trying to actually do it is torture.
Now, I know some might say that I should just get right back up and try again. That I can do it if I want it enough. A habit takes 28 days, after all, so don't give up. Keep going. And I can appreciate and embrace these thoughts and words.
But this is what I learned about moving forward this morning.
My run was hard. I could list all the hurdles I had in place this morning, and why the 13 minute pace was acceptable to me, but that would feel like excusing it. I don't want to excuse this morning's run, I want to embrace it. What I know about this morning is that I did the best I could. And even if I follow the same exact path in a few days it will be a whole new run at that time. Each time I step out to run it is a new race, with new hurdles, and new struggles, and new victories. If I excuse a run and think it wasn't good because I didn't live up to some expectation or standard then I will have a lot of bad runs. In my heart I know, each time I get out there it is a good run.
My days are the same. I'm simply going to have to accept that. Each day will be it's own, and even when I wake up in the same bed and start a day just like the day before, it isn't really. It will have it's own schedule, opportunities, interruptions, and victories. If I only look at my day and measure it by how well I followed a pattern which didn't fit that day I will think it was a failure. But, like the runs, I know in my heart that each day I wake and give it my best is a good day.
Apparently judging and comparing have been a big thing with me lately. I have gotten onto the virtual other who does it, and myself as well. Even in this I can see it is the core of the issue. When we compare and judge we miss out on so much. Let's start new, friends. Let's let today be what it is, do our very best at it, and embrace the newness which creates something we couldn't ever have imagined.