March 15, 2014

One fear being faced today.

Why is it within hours of writing down goals all I want to do is shut my computer and never open it up again? I mean, just the process of writing those goals down was difficult. After scribbling, crossing out, redefining, rewording, and stepping away from them I figured I had some basic and specific goals I could live with. But here I am, THREE hours later and I'm hiding in my corner of the couch.

Oh my word.

I'm actually a little mad, if I were to tell you the truth. Mad at myself, at the goals, at the fear: just mad.

I want to be excited! I want to be so excited that I can't wait to start on the next step. I want to be so excited that I can't help but tell you all what I want to do! I want to be scream it from the mountain tops EXCITED!

But instead I'm nauseous. I'm actually considering taking up residency in the bathroom.

Oh friends, fear is everywhere. And living bravely and courageously is not about not having fear. And having fear is not about failing. I know this. I have written about it a thousand times before, and here I am {yet again} frozen in place because of fear. I refuse to stay here though. I refuse to let any fear keep me in the corner. {cuz baby doesn't belong there}

Today it's the wheredoievenbeginiamsooverwhelmedbytheconceptofwhatihavewrittendown type of fear that I will conquer. Oh yes, yes I will.

fear says

So, this is what I am doing about it:
  • I am making a schedule (albeit flexible) and sticking to it. The schedule will be realistic and smart. It will leave room for margin and listening. 
  • I need to get back to my daily writing. Whether it ends up here or never leaves the light of my notebook shouldn't matter. Words need to go down into the compost.
  • I need to listen closely to me and God. I need to be sure that I am hearing and acting after I listen. I need to believe in what I know to be true.
There are a multitude of ways to deal with the multitude of fears we will face. Today I am making a plan of action. Three steps. I can do three steps. And then, when they are done I will move to the next three. And one day those goals which I cannot even name right now will come true. 

What goal has you frozen in place? Go ahead, decide on three steps you know you can do right now. You know you want to.


These goals and the steps were first written in my notebook during the last call-in of Story 101 with Elora. The last thing I wrote in my notebook on this call-in after listening? "don't live your life in fear. that's not living. God wants us to live abundantly. do that."


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2 comments:

  1. oh, friend, this has been open in my browser for 2 weeks and I've skimmed it once or twice and finally read it again tonight! I am so tired of living life in fear instead of faith,

    Love the quote about fear letting you know something is worth it!

    and the daily writing thing! I so need to get back to that, thinking April 1 might be a good day to start! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Every day is a good day to start. :D And restart! LOL

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