October 28, 2013

Your response matters.


That friend whom you love, and want a relationship with, crossed your boundary again. You had asked them to respect your opinion on a matter, a decision made with your husband, or a choice you were facing but they felt the need to tell you what to do, and what they think. Not just sharing, but insisting that the way they would deal with it was the best way and if you truly trusted and loved them you would fall in line.

And you breathe deep and sigh heavy.

 day 28 a

But what do you do? In the moment you are irate and angry and you want to simply push them away and tell them not to come back until they can straighten up. Whether it was the tenth time or the hundredth time you are tired, and they don’t seem to notice or care. But, since you have done this dance before, you know that your anger has no effect on them. No, rather there is only a period of distance until everything gets swept under the carpet and you come back together tentatively until the next blow up. You want a relationship with them, but you need them to change so that the relationship feels equal. So, what do you do?

Consider yourself, or a child you know: when someone yells and glares, shouts and stomps, does their message really get through? I’m not saying some time apart isn’t a good thing, but how you take it makes all the difference in the world.

I know, from my own experience, when I need one of my children to change I can’t yell and holler anymore. It does nothing expect make them made and angry. There may be consequences to what they have done, but if I really want to see a change I need to explain myself out of love and consideration and respect for them.

 day 28 b

I know; it doesn’t seem fair. There was no love, consideration, or respect felt from them, was there? But this is the moment you have to ask yourself what is more important to you. Do you want a relationship with the other person? Then love them. Explain your heart to them. Understand where they are coming from. Find a compromise. Oh yes, please set your boundaries but do it in a manner where they will hear you, if they want to. Do it in love.
 
The list of all the posts for this series can be found in the Table of Contents.
 

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