October 21, 2013

Relationships must be freely lived


Do you have someone in your life whom you wished could change just “this” much? Would it be better if they made choices you thought were better for their life and your relationship? Can you see the mistakes they are making better than they can and if they would only follow your advice…? But the problem with entering into a relationship that is like this is it isn’t free.

day 21


The hard part is loving someone when you don’t feel like it. One of the ways you love them at this point is to allow them the freedom to be themselves, whoever that is, and not become embittered, hurt, or angered. We can’t control them into being what we want, because we honestly don’t have the big picture either. And if they did do as we said, things still wouldn’t work out well. The only one any of us should listen to in all matters is God.

Please know, this doesn’t mean we don’t seek out advice for ourselves, that’s part of being in relationship. It’s why you want to be careful about who you allow to be close to you. You want to be wise in your choices so you can go to them for advice, opinion, and thoughts on different matters. But we can NOT force our opinion on others. That is not a healthy way to live, for us or them.

So, what do you do when the person you are in relationship with begins to turn their back, let go, move on, be hateful, try to hurt, make bad choices? You let them. Within certain boundaries, you let them.

You see, this is the point where you do tell them, “I love you. I want better for you and our relationship, but the decisions you are making are hurting me and I need to back off a little until things settle down. I’ll be here when you are wanting to reconnect in a healthy respectful way.”

I wish I had done this. Oh, how my heart aches that I didn’t know to say such words a few years back. I don’t know, is it impossible to say them now? Can we go back to burned bridges and try to rebuild?

Learn from my mistake. Don’t burn the bridge. Allow it to stand in place. Just pull the drawbridge up. Allow them to be who they choose to be, and set a boundary in place which protects you from the choices they make, but don’t shut off completely. Leave room for the bridge to be crossed again one day.


The list of all the posts for this series can be found in the Table of Contents.

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