When we think about the person who hurt us what thoughts occur? Generally we think about what they did, what they said, and how we felt. As we mentioned before, rehearsing and rehashing help build the walls that are around us. So, instead of remembering every little thing they did which caused us to build the wall in the first place, we need to reframe our memory of them.
On Big Bang theory (a situational comedy on television) there is a scene when Sheldon and Amy are discussing the previous night’s activities. She drank too much and was embarrassed about what happened. She looked at him through the computer and said, “Okay. Don’t really know where we go from here.” In all his Sheldon wisdom he replied with, “I suggest we treat our relationship as if it were a crashed computer and restore it to the last point we both agree it worked.”
We all have relationships which have gone awry. Whether it is because of hurt, anger, or fear we have built a wall instead of working through the situation. How much easier would life be if we took Sheldon’s attitude and simply restored to the point everyone agreed it worked. It’s easiest to do this when apologies are made and restitution is desired on both sides of the situation, but it’s still possible to do regardless.
2. Believe the person who says they wish things hadn’t happened as they did.
3. See the person as God sees them, a hurt child themselves.
4. Remember you haven’t done everything perfectly.
5. Move forward into the relationship you have rather than remembering the pain that was.
While some relationships may never be healed or reconciled, which I will talk about later, when you can fix things it should be within our desire to do so. I know sometimes it’s easier to sit behind a wall and blame the other person, but remember it takes two to disagree, and it takes two to reconcile as well.
The list of all the posts for this series can be found in the Table of Contents.