A hidden wall
When I began The Wall Around Your Heart I was well aware of a few walls which needed to come down. There really was no denying two walls I had built due to hurt and anger. My spotlight was on them with hopes of removal. I put them up between me and the “offending party” but also between me and anyone who might possibly do the same thing again. What really surprised me in reading the book, however, was the realization of walls I couldn't have imagined.
Please know, there was not one author who said, “If ___ then you have a myriad of walls.” Not one author was trying to make me feel as if I had issues only they could solve. Rather, all the authors wrote freely, honestly, pointed to God, solutions, and helps. It was simply in reading that I realized I had way more to deal with than I originally thought.
I remember the realization of one particular wall. You would think once I noticed it I would just tear it down, after all I didn’t “know” it was there to begin with. Instead I grew angry at the person who was on the other side of the wall. They could do no right for a period of time. I was hurt, mad, and the fear of what would happen when I tore the wall down grew large.
But here’s the thing, the wall should never have been there. It was only hurting me and the other person, when in reality I wanted neither of us to be hurt. When I got over the pain of running into the wall, realizing I was the guilty party for putting it up, and got over the fact that it was there, I knew I had to take it down, however long it took.
You see, what I have learned is that the way I interact with others plays a part in how they interact with me. If I try to deal with them from behind a wall, then they are behind a wall as well. In fact, depending on how hidden I am they may build a few walls of their own. It’s a no win situation, and an unending circle of despair.
I had to let go of my stuff, also known as pride and anger, and allow God to be the creator of my life again, including this relationship which was so important and would not be removed. It’s still a work in process, but as Dr. Townsend said in Who’s Pushing Your Buttons?, “Doing shows more than saying.”
Sometimes those walls sneak right into place, but once we run headlong into them we have to deal with them. Why were they put there? Do they need to come down?
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The list of all the posts for this series can be found in the Table of Contents.