Let go of the friendships which will never be

Yesterday I had decided I was going to write this morning about what to do when people don't like you. Every once in a while you cross paths with someone and apparently your vibes don't mix with their vibes regardless of what you have in common, friends you have in common, or how similar you are. I have had this experience a variety of times, one very recently. And sometimes your heart hurts because it seems it shouldn't be that way. You don't understand why even pleasant conversation is avoided and you are ignored. Sometimes you worry about what you may have done to cause them to behave this way. Sometimes you stress over making things right. And of course by "right" I mean that a friendship blossoms and you become bestest of friends with this person forever more.

Then I read something last night which struck my heart right where it was:

compel us
- Mary DeMuth, The Wall Around Your Heart

When I started this book I thought I knew exactly what walls would need to come tumbling, and while those are being dealt with the ones that are most striking to me are the walls I didn't even know were there. I have been angry, tearful, heartbroken, and frustrated over things I have read. Not because I didn't agree with the book, but because they hit me right where I live. But I didn't know I was living there.

In regards to the friendships which never come to be, this is what I suggest my friend: let it be. Be kind. Be loving. Be gentle. Forgive them for not finding you fascinating. But let it be.

I wont lie. I have spent a lot of time wondering why I didn't mesh with other people I thought could have become really good friends. I have ached over it. I have wondered what I did wrong, and how I could have made it better. And while I had learned to let some people go, I had not learned to let the thinking process go. As I said, just recently I felt that way again which was why this topic was even on the agenda for the blog.

But not anymore. I have decided that I will no longer worry why a friendship didn't mesh, but just accept that it didn't. Because while you are focused on what could have been and why it wasn't so and how to make it work, you are missing out on what is and how that can grow.

Comments

  1. totally been there. always a little surprised when others don't get how fabulous i truly am. ;) of course i'm joking. but i do get it.

    a dear friend of mine once told me this and it totally released me from the hurt of it all:

    30% of people you meet will like straight away for no apparent reason.

    30% of people you meet will NOT like you straight away for no apparent reason.

    the rest will probably live somewhere in between.

    so glad you have found some peace and are able to move forward on to bigger and better things. love, kelly

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    1. I love that Kelly! thanks so much. It just seems people should REALLY recognize the fabulousness that is us. ;D

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  2. What a powerful quote, Stacey. It really is hard to let go of a friendship that never was or was but isn't anymore. Good stuff here! :)

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    1. It can be, I know. I'm looking forward to looking forward now, though. :D

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  3. "Not letting the thinking process go..." Oh, I get that!! If they gave Olympic medals for thinking obsession, I would SO WIN.

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    1. LOLOL You know the competition would be fierce. :D

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  4. Good thoughts! I have pretty much been able to handle the moving on and the fact that others move on without taking it personally. My son, has a hard time dealing with this because he is a forever loyal friend. So many things Mary has said her book has me thinking I need to read to my son(he is mildly disabled). I know he is not alone. So many deal with this. Mary's book is sorely needed!
    blessings,
    Gay @ Captive Heart

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    1. Thanks Gay! I think different personalities definitely deal differently. I hope you do read it to your son. I bet he would get a lot out of it as well.

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  5. This resonates with me, Stacey. I can identify with the emotional pull which drags us down when relationships flounder, despite thinking we've moved on to a place beyond hurt and pain. Maybe in some ways we never do completely get over these things? Much depends on how sensitised we are to pain in our past and how it makes us more vulnerable in other relationships we encounter. Kelly's advice above is so refreshing and worth bearing in mind. A sense of balance and perspective help a lot! Thank you :)x

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    1. Oh, I think we can get beyond them. I do. I haven't yet, but I do have hope I will. :)

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  6. I agree with Kelly. People come into your life in thirds. Some you will connect with, others not, and the last third can go either way. Might just need some time and development. For me, I've learned that ALL relationships tend to fluctuate. People change, and come in and out of your life. Only God and his love are constant. Relying on Him first makes people relationships better, b/c you can just accept people where they are - you are not reliant on them for your identity, security, peace, whatever.

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    1. Kelly is wonderful, yes! As are you. I agree with what you are saying whole heartedly, and I'm learning to live it out. :D

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