We had our self-defense class at church again. I didn't talk it up so much this time, honestly, because (1) I forgot about it and (2) I wasn't sure if I was going to go. At first I thought I might be busy that night, because I forgot, but it turned out the night was free. But then... I still had to decide to go.
You know what ran through my brain? The last class. Yes, where I taught the kiddos, and stumbled over myself, and was saved SAVED by the other instructors/members of KICS who swooped in and caught me when I was going down. I didn't want to do that again. I figured if I stayed home I wouldn't have to worry about it. But then... what about my goals?
I desperately want others to learn how to take care of themselves. I want to share what I am learning, and have others learn it. I want to help people be stronger, believe in themselves, and learn they are worth saving. And so I went to the class.
I didn't have to teach a large group, and, friends, that is huge. Instead I was part of the group on the adult side. When Mister Boozer paired everyone up, I helped one of the pairs, so it was basically one on one. When will I learn that this is how I do well? I still felt like throwing up right at first, but once I moved past that it went much better. I was able to help the two teenish aged girls I was working with in learning the techniques, understanding it's not about power, and stressed how important it was to be able to take care of themselves.
I was one of the first to leave and head to the car, of course, but on my way home I really thought about the class, how it went, and how I did. Now, I didn't get feedback from anyone, and I know I still have a lot to learn (I'm not even instructor level at class yet) but I saw some strong points that I could stand on, and some weak points which can grow more. But the important part for me, which was exciting, was understanding that the fire for this goal isn't quite as out as I thought it was. I'm feeling as if I can redress the topic again, and look at it with new eyes, and see what happens.