June 11, 2013

My stupid thoughtlessness, but I'm learning.

We all sat around with the pile of presents in the middle. When you have a small group playing "secret santa" it might be a good idea to wrap everything in the same paper, so you don't know which gifts you brought, but there we were anyway. I believe it was the first year our family tried to play it on Christmas Eve, to add a little fun. The rules were specific, but no one followed them.

My oldest had picked a frame I THINK I brought to the game. I remember thinking I want to bring something I would like, never having been one for the funny gifts. Oldest liked the funny gifts, but they weren't quite as welcome as we believed they would be. I should have been paying attention to how he was feeling, and took myself out of the scenario, but when it came to my turn I was playing the game. I was trying to have fun. And I wanted the frame he had picked up plus something else. Here's where the stupid selfish part came in: I knew he would bring it home. So instead of taking it from him, and letting him draw from the pile again, I just let him hold on to the too grown up not for kids frame which I wanted on my wall, and I returned to the pile to unwrap another gift. The ironic part, here is what the frame said:

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Yes, it was crazy. I was crazy. I was selfish. I didn't think about how he was feeling. I was a little bit stupid. The thing is, I didn't realize it at the time. I really didn't. This part brings me shame.

But I have decided I can't continue to live there. It's not healthy for me, nor is it helpful. When we make a mistake we can either learn from it, or relive it. I don't want to relive it anymore, so I'm learning from it and trying to actually live out what the frame said. It's not always easy, I still mess up, but I'm trying. And what more can we say than that?

6 comments:

  1. oh my word, is that frame hanging in the house where you see it every day? I know this wasn't meant to be funny, but I have been overcome with such nonsensical things like this before and I can picture it in my mind. This is one reason I love you and your words, you are so real to me. And God's grace is teaching us to be more like Him in these moments. It's more of a gift than a shame. You are adorable.

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    1. You see it when you walk in the house. :D And yes, it is a little funny the further I get away from the realization. To be honest the entire crazy scenario popped in my head a few weeks ago when I realized the truth of the situation. I am SO grateful for God's grace. :D Thanks Shannon.

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  2. Wow... can we start a club for folks like us? Because I hate that I get this and I love that I'm not the only one and I praise Him from whom all blessings flow because grace and mercy....and the big BUT GOD looms larger than all my .... our sin. Love you Crazy Dazy Stacey

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    1. Yes, it does. Thankfully!!! I love you too Lorretta :D

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  3. Oh...been there. :) Let us keep trying. It's what we have.

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    1. Yes, yes indeed. Make amends, and move forward. :)

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