a full heart > an emptying nest

Tomorrow I have a post scheduled to encourage you in your relationships. I wrote it a few weeks ago, and still mean it today. Sometimes as you read through these posts you may think that I'm always encouraging and don't have any issues of my own. Those who know me better laugh at this thought.

Last week I had a hard day. I was teary and weepy and what I wanted to do was curl up in bed and stay there all day, but that wasn't a choice I could make. After struggling on my own I finally asked some friends for prayers. This was SO hard to do. I was scared people would scoff, or think I was being too dramatic, or thinking I should just get over myself.

You see, my problem is based in the fact that I have been spoiled for the past half year. I have been totally blessed in the location of my oldest, but soon he is going to be moving farther away, and some time after that he is going to be moving even farther. And then last week I also purchased my youngest's Senior year curriculum. I realized we are starting our "lasts" with him as well. My heart was not strong enough to carry all of that in one day, and so I crumbled under the weight of it all.

What I normally do when I crumble is pull in and close up. I get quiet and stay out of the way. So reaching out and telling others about what was going on was so very hard for me. I was full of fear on top of everything else, and it only made the tears come faster. But I wrote my message, posted it, and then promptly ran away from the internet to process what was going on in my life, heart, and mind. When I finally got brave enough to return I was welcomed with warm comments, thoughts, and prayers. I was so grateful.

I'm still learning myself. I struggle with how to do my own life, and still how to raise my children. These relationships are being redefined as they get older, and it is as it should be. I want them to go on and have amazing opportunities and possibilities, and be blessed by the hardships and high moments. I'm simply having to readjust my thinking as it all happens. I want the best for my boys and keeping them from moving on into their own life is not that. Preparing them and helping them as much as I can along the way is.

While I am learning that my nest may be a little more empty, my heart is still as full. Full of love for those boys, my Captain, my friends, and my other family members. Empty nest, full heart. I like the sound of that.

Comments

  1. I was married at 21 and immediately moved 2000 miles away from my family and friends. I was the only one in my family of 5 children to do that, and I was the only girl. When I said so-long (not goodbye) to my Mom and Dad, I can remember it was the only time in my life I ever saw my Dad cry. It brings tears to my eyes right now just thinking about it ~and that was almost 27 years ago! My heart goes out to you and my prayers go up for you. Transitions like these can be such a difficult mix of all sorts of emotions for the whole family! love and hugs my sister in Christ

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  2. I can relate. When a child moves on, there is a grieving process for mom. I have been weepy more than once over the growing up of my three. Our children are just on loan to us for awhile. Once they are adults, they do not belong to us anymore, and it can be very hard. But, as adults, they will find a new relationship with us and you will carve out a new dynamic that is wonderful too. We enter and exit phases with our children all our lives. I'm currently taking care of my folks, who are89 and 90...the roles are completely reversed, iand that is interesting too. LIfe is a journey. Thinking of you. ;-)

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    1. Oh yes, not ours but a gift for a season. Definitely. Prayers to you as you go through this phase. ((hugs))

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  3. I get this and I've had an "action plan" in place for awhile which began with me discerning and discovering my gifts to be used as I enter this next chapter in my life. That's actually what got me started with teaching, writing and speaking out here!I have 4 years left with the youngest so we'll see how it goes. Praying for you sister...thanks for encouraging me even when it's not so fun.

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    1. I was TRYING to get such a thing in line, but each time it has fallen apart. LOL I think that's part of what led to my breakdown. It was like God was saying, "STOP! Just wait." And that is sort of hard, but I better do it, no? :)

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