A quiet life

I don't know how this blog represents me fully. One thing you may not know is that I have some days where I fall very quiet. You don't see them here because on the talkative days I can fill up days worth of talk. But lately I have found myself quiet.

Yesterday was a day such as that, and I can feel it spilling over into today. The words come when I'm not able to write, the silence weighs on me like a blanket over my shoulders, and I don't put out a lot through the day. I take a lot in. I watch, I listen, I think. Youngest worries that I'm sad, so we watch a Big Bang Theory episode so we can laugh together, and then all is well for his spirit.

quiet

And I should say, all is well with mine too. I'm not sad in these times, just quiet. Maybe a little distant. But I see the birds swooping by the window, and the clouds cover the blue skies ever so briefly, and the buds peek their heads up on the long stems of the winter trees. I guess I could call it my own hibernation, but it comes more than once a year.

I used to worry about my quiet times. I used to think something was wrong with me because I wasn't interacting, and I thought I was pulling away. Sometimes I pushed myself to be more out there. Sometimes I shamed myself into behaving differently. Sometimes others did it for me. The lack of understanding of who I was created a chaos. It looked like insecurity to some, and snobbery to others, and in all honesty it was simply some down time. Some time to refresh. Some time to look around and observe. I just didn't know how important that time was to me then, but I'm glad to have learned more.

Now I embrace these times and shake off the fear and worry. Now I breathe in deep and work to observe even more. Now I see through eyes that are okay with being quiet, realizing there is nothing wrong with me.

I have learned it's okay to lead a quiet life. It's okay not to always shout from the mountain top. It's okay to breath slowly and grow with intention. It's okay to accept who I am, and know I'm supposed to be different than others.

You may not see it much here at this blog where I seemingly never shut up, but I'm actually a quiet person at times.

Comments

  1. I love that you have learned this! It is a wonderful part of who you are- this ability to be quiet. I am so thankful to know you...

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    1. You are very kind. I'm thankful for you as well, my dear.

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  2. I have no clue where my prev comment went. However as I was stating. Yesterday I had the chance to be in a group that was prayed over at the beginning of the day. As this was happening I just really let the words go on by. But, being that I also have been blessed with a life of such as being born on a church pew some 4?+ yrs ago I knew better than to just forget the words that were spoken. The prayer went something like this (Father, let Your Holy Spirit be able to Speak loudly and Clearly today and in the days to come and more importantly let these women be EVER listening). NOW, with that said, I've always relied on the Holy Spirit praying the groanings of my hearts cry prayers for me. But I forget part 1. The LISTENING. And today He has spoken to me in so many many many ways and times. You for one, His voice. You do not know me. However, He used your writing to tell me; it's ok to be quiet and to keep listening. It's also ok to not value others "false" opinions. So with that THANK YOU! Keep writing!

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    1. Thank you for the encouragement. I pray you are able to hear Him in the whispers.

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