2013 Admission

Have you seen this video? Take a moment and watch it. (please)


Now, I will be honest and let you know I generally do not watch youtube videos unless someone has shared them with me. Jo always shares the best videos, and I thought this one was no exception. This young man states quite openly and honestly how he is feeling, and I'm beginning to think it's how many of us feel. I know I do.

I love writing. In the past month as I have been sharing all my favorites I had a lot of fun. It wasn't in depth, and at times I worried y'all would think I was being incredibly selfish or even secular, but it felt right. I hoped maybe something I shared was something someone had been looking for. Or maybe it was just selfish.

I have also struggled with the idea of connection and how much I do and don't connect with others. I have been given opportunities to connect with people in my life, and I have tried to take them. I probably didn't do enough all the time, and sometimes I may have gone overboard. It happens.

My connections here, online, are no exception to that mess. When I read other people's stories it makes my heart sing. Whether I am crying or laughing at the end of it, I feel as if I know someone else a little better, and most times I know something more about myself or life or this world we live in as well. I want to be able to write like that, but they scare me. You have to have a level of vulnerability. It's hard, so I haven't been practicing that very much.

Sometimes in the middle of our own lives we feel we can't write about something, or we don't have anything to write about. But then there are times I don't write something simply because I don't want to offend you. The person who happens by. I'm scared you wont like it. I'm scared you will belittle it. I'm so much like the boy in the video up there. I'm scared you wont like me. But for the thousandth time I am going to plod on, press the restart button, and try to not worry about that. Like he said, I don't know exactly how to go about it, but it's something I'm working on.

So you see, this is a new year, which is always the time to start new ideas. (Though there are a bazillion other perfect times through the year too.) But truth be told, I'm not announcing any new idea. I simply wanted to start the year out saying, "I'm scared." I want you to like me. I want you to like my writing. I want you to see promise, hope, and feel different when you leave here. I want to make you think. (In a good way.)

I know. Not all of you will come back. And please know, that's okay too. But if you have any tips, links, or other videos you think I should see? Or if you have something to share about what I have written, whether you agree or not, I would love to hear it.

So, Happy New Year friends. I know you may not always like what you find here, but I am determined to write anyway. It's 2013 and we made it past the end of the Mayan Calendar. (Hope you didn't do anything stupid.....)

Comments

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    1. (((hugs))) Oh my dear girl, I know. One day at a time.

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  2. I think we all struggle with this to one degree or another... and some days you feel like you've got it licked, and then others you realize that you are deeply in its clutches.!

    I look forward to what the new year brings! :) Let's go for No... or at least, Less Fear of what people think of us

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    1. I agree. Some days are definitely harder than others, but one at a time, yes? How about we simply push through whatever amount of fear heads our way. ;)

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  3. Ah... "do they even care enough to talk about me". Wanting to be noticed and approved of is such a loud tape in my head. Here's to living boldly and confidently in the power of the Holy Spirit knowing we are unconditionally loved and accepted- and approved! I will be back. :)

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  4. If we fear the 'voices' of others, then we miss an opportunity to learn from them, in good places and in bad. If we are open, and prayerful, we can be honest and then take in what we need to hear then throw the rest away. If we can't decide what is helpful then that is when we either go in prayer or ask a 'good friend' who knows us well.

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    1. You have definitely given me pause to think. So much truth here. Thanks!

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  5. first off just want to say happy new year! :)

    and so some thoughts on your post...i don't recall specifically how it was we connected, but i believe it via twitter (something i still yet to really get on the ball with). don't recall who said what, but for whatever reason we connected. and i have so enjoyed getting to know you through your blog and IG.

    funny thing this blogging business. putting your stuff out there for the world to read. what's funny for me is that i worry more about what people i know think than random strangers who pop by. because who i am now is really who i really am. or at least closer to that person. sometimes worry that the people i know are thinking 'well who does she think she is anyway?'

    earlier in the year my blog was featured in a news story and i got a bunch of new subscribers right away which for me was so exciting. but over the course of a few months a bunch of them unsubscribed. and i took it personally at first. one gal in particular wrote me and said, 'your blog just isn't for me.' WOW at first i was so hurt. but the more i thought about, the more i realized that i don't connect with all the blogs i come in contact with. and that's OK.

    it was then that, instead of worrying about and writing to retain/attract subscribers/readers, i decided to just be as authentic and honest as i knew how to be. i even lost a few more subscribers after that too. but difference was that I LIKED MY BLOG BETTER. and you know - over the course of the past few months my subscribers have grown by a few. and they are people i really connect with. which has been so great.

    i so totally believe that the world is much off for all the insight and light you share on your blog. you should be proud of the space you created here. and quite honestly, you come across so warm and honest that i have a hard time believing that you could really offend someone with what you share.

    so i think i'll stop here - didn't really intend to leave you a novel of a comment today. haha :)

    wishing you a wonderful, peace filled new year!! love, kelly

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    1. Kelly, I was trying to remember the same thing, but am just grateful that we have met and I am getting to know you better. I love your blog, and what you have said here resonnates so much with me. Thank you!

      May your new year be full and overflowing!

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  6. Great video and very heartfelt on his part!

    I'm not scared in the same way he is (though it's very likely that the younger me definitely was). I've learned that when I pull back or isolate myself, it's not thoughts of being liked or disliked, it's my failure to address something in my closest relationships and it spills over to everything. Sometimes, addressing it just means acknowledging it . . . observing it . . . and then moving on.

    When I restore (or refresh) my connections, attend to my relationships and my inner circle, I am fearless again.

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    1. I think that is so great. I am often amazed how we all work so differently yet at the same time are similar in ways too. You have given me something to pay attention to next time I start to isolate.

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  7. Oh, I'm hangin' in here with ya because you keep getting more and more REAL! and I do love real. Speaking of real..read this. It's great. Love ya!

    http://www.novelrocket.com/2013/01/les-mis-m-laycock.html

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    1. It was, thanks! And thank you for sticking around here with me. :) I always enjoy seeing you!

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