Whose issue is it really?

I have to be honest. I come to you today after chewing on this topic for a very long time. I was hesitant to get into the fray, though honestly not enough people pass this way that I expect much rebuff. What I would love, however, is conversation. I had this thought after reading many people on both sides of the issue, but I’m not sure if I’m seeing it wrong myself. The idea?
I think the complimentarian/egalitarian issue
may be a MAN’s issue, NOT a WOMAN’s issue.

I know, it seems weird at first light. Isn’t this all about submission, and doesn’t submission only have to do with women? But it doesn’t. We are all called to submit to one another. We are called to submit to God. So, how did it go to a man’s issue in this little brain of mine?

When I have read egalitarian writing I never found one person who said, “Women shouldn’t submit.” Rather the majority of writers on this subject say women and men should submit equally, thus “egalitarian.” Also from my reading, complimentarians feel the man is the head of the home, and women should submit to them fully, complimenting the man through their relationship.

(Please know those are my understandings of the two theological opinions and they are so dummed down so I can understand them I know I am missing many nuances. This may be my problem with where my thinking led me, but please follow along.)

So, back to the original topic, submission: whose issue is it really? Everyone’s right? No one will deny as Christians we should be submissive to one another, wanting what is best for each other, and doing the will of God by fully submitting to what He calls us to do. My question then is: do we all submit equally? As Christians, do we all submit to one another, or does that depend on if we are legally wed?

Wait. See, that sounds trite and sarcastic, and I don't want that to happen. It just seems the submission scale goes off kilter all of a sudden once we say our vows. Again, women still submit, but suddenly men no longer need to do this with their wives. Is this really the case? Because if it is, then it seems egalitarian/complimentarian is more of a “how much will the men submit” issue, not a “how much will the women submit” issue.

Maybe… maybe, if we all simply worked to submit to one another, regardless of relationship, then the issue wouldn’t be such a problem? But then I don’t know. I am currently writing this with David Nevue in my ears and Big Bang Theory on the television.

Before I end this, I simply want to say I'm trying to figure it out. I do NOT want anyone leaving here thinking I am saying women should not submit to their husbands. I am simply asking, shouldn’t men submit to their wives as well?

(I want to be clear here so no one thinks I’m trying to deceive them. My stand on this issue is egalitarian, but let me say I have lived the complimentarian lifestyle. My poor husband hated it with a passion, but that is another post for another time.)


  1. Hmmm I've been seeing a lot if this on blogging and I love this honestly this has never been brought up in my marriage or my friends we all look out for the best for each other my husband doesn't rule the house with an iron hand and is always asking my advice!! Thank you for sharing, I too don't know all the answers ..

  2. Geesh I hope that all made sense;)!!!!been peeking at your blog and love it

    1. Thanks so much, Jennifer, for peeking in and leaving a sweet word. My husband sounds a lot like yours as well. :)

  3. Stacey, I look forward to that other post for another time. :-) I too am on the road to figuring this all out but I lean toward complimentarian. Thanks for provoking thoughts in my little brain!

    1. :) Thanks Jen. Sometimes I think we probably make more out of things than necessary (myself first and formost there) but I appreciate you coming by and leaving a word! It's nice to know we aren't the only one hashing through it all. :)

  4. I have so many thoughts on this topic. But one thing that the Lord has been impressing on me lately is the need to see all life simply- as bringing glory to God. I think we can get so hung up on the different theological thoughts instead of really seeking His glory. I think submission will look different based on personalities. And I know that sounds trite as well, but I think the fact that your husband hated the compliementarian role that you played is somehow indicative of this. Anyway, I think it is a great topic to delve into and I appreciate your willingness to do it!

    1. But true. We submit in all relationships differently, so two marriage relationships wont look the same. I agree. Thanks. :)

    2. I agree with dayebydaye that submission will look different based on personalities. Based on context, as well, I think!

      As I've read someone else say recently, God did not make me only a woman--God also made me Michelle. Being female is only one part of who I am.

      I am definitely an egalitarian, and reading an older thread elsewhere led me here.

      Scripture instructs believers to act in many ways, and relatively few instructions to females only or to males only. Even then...those instructions are the general instructions made specifically to a certain group of people. One savior, one baptism, one book... ;-)

      I like what you have to say here, though I don't think there's any such thing as a women's issue or a men's issue...labelling things like that, associating them with only part of the population, tends to be a way for the rest of the population to ignore something. I need to go read some more recent posts now! I'm sure I am way behind. :-)

    3. I do understand what you are saying!! It shouldn't be anyone's issue, or acutally, it should be everyone's. We should all submit, plain and simple.


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