The walls come tumbling down
I see you there. Your heart has been pained and your scars have toughened that outer layer of you. You think it protects you from being hurt again, but stop a moment and think: does it?
You think you are alone in your hurt, and you feel guilty for even feeling this way. The thoughts run through your mind, curious as to why you can’t let it go, wondering if you will ever be able to move on, and yet the pain is there in the deepest part of it all. You think if you cover it with one more layer it won’t hurt anymore, but doesn’t it?
You decide to open up. You are going to be honest, and friendly, and pretend the walls aren’t there. You take a deep breath and jump. But people are human, and they don’t always even know the right thing, much less always do it. Just as you act out in your hurt, so do they. And then you get hurt again. Not only did you not take down any walls, now a few more bricks are being added, but does it help?
Maybe it’s time to realize you are facing the wrong direction. As you stand on the edge and wonder if you will ever fit in, your eyes look to others around you. They laugh and have fun. They seem so brave and sure of themselves. The truth is you have no idea. You are looking for someone to understand you, but so are many of them.
Turn around, do you see? God is there. He has been with you the entire time. Before you begin to open up to other humans, try Him. Let Him bring healing deep down in your heart where the pain resides. He will remove the layers you have tried to hide under. He will take down the walls filled with bricks of resentment and bitterness and fear. He saw where your pain comes from, and only He knows how much it hurts your heart. Only He can truly heal you.
Take a deep breath again. Just spend some time with God for now. Pour your pain and hurt into Him. He’s big enough He can take it. Not only that, He knows more than we ever could, even about ourselves. Trust He knows you and will know what you need next.