Dreams and Shadows

They stood over the cradle and gazed at the baby they had just laid down. What next? Who were they to bring the tiny babe home? They looked at each other and his arm slid around her shoulder. They would do it together.
The dreams they had for that child -- she couldn't tell you. She wasn't graced with the ability to see far, but she saw deep. She wanted so much for her children, but not things which could be spoken clearly.
"Would you want him to be a garbage man?"
Years later as that question was set before her it may have been the moment her heart knew what she wanted. Did it matter what they did? Was there a job less than others if it was one you were meant to have?
"If it's what God wants..."

Sometimes it sounds so cliche. Do we really mean it? How do we define the answer to that question? Sometimes I don't know. But he is chasing after what was set in his heart, and I can only imagine that is as close as you get to chasing after what God wants you to do.

He imagined it. As a young boy turning into a man he knew the military was his calling. He knew he wanted to walk in the steps of his father, his grandfathers, and his greatgrandfathers. Some may say he had no choice with such a history, but I know he did. I have seen others make very different choices.

But I knew it wasn't something I could push on him. I knew it had to be a choice he made. Not me.

His faith, his heart, his life path -- all choices which required his investment not mine.

Did I know this as I watched him sleep in the cradle with my husband's arm around me? No. Of course not. I grew to learn and understand with each passing day and hour. As God worked on me He taught me and He gave me amazing children who I am blessed to see grow into outstanding young men.

He wont be coming home for the summer. There is a new normal where he no longer sleeps under my roof except for vacations. As the mother of an infant boy I couldn't have imagined. As the mother of a grown man I know it's the way it is to be.

Do I have dreams for my son now? I honestly can't tell you. I'm still not graced with the ability to see far, and right now I simply hope to make it through the day. This day. His day.

I can say this, if I had dreams they would have simply been a shadow of what came, and I trust any dreams I may carry are only shadows of what will be. I have no problem letting go of the shadows in order to grasp reality as it is.

Comments

  1. i so get this. the "no longer sleeping under my roof" - that's the painful part. i've been there. doing that. it's the hardest part and it sucks.

    but here's the thing...it does get easier. really. it takes time, but i swear it does get easier.

    sometimes i think it would be so nice as parents to be able to see what God has in store for our kids. and then again maybe not. but i do believe God has great things in store for your son. and he's blessed to have a mother that loves him so.

    love, kelly

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    1. I'm holding onto that promise, knowing it's true, waiting to feel it.

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  3. As the mother of two sons who both feel the same in their souls I have contented myself with only this:

    If the military is what God has for them then they are safer in the middle of God's will for their life than they are under my wing.

    I know that assumes I'll be able to handle it when it actually happens. However I take great comfort in knowing that God will be preparing my heart along the way and part of the preparation is having you here now, sharing your heart. Your heart for God, for your son and for other mothers, daughters and wives. Thankyou Stacey!

    Lorretta

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