Anyway, it made me start really thinking. What would people say about YOU if you died tomorrow...
(Is that a long enough pause?)
The hard part is in who the "people" are, right? We spend much of our lives trying to please "them" but there are some "thems" who simply will never be pleased. So, when I die, I know very well there will be "people" who don't care. Some will say, "If only she cared more." Some will whisper, "Oh the choices. She only made life hard on herself." There will be a few who stand in the back of the room shaking their heads waiting for someone to catch their eye so they can tell the whole sordid story of how our relationship fell apart. "All her choice, you understand."
And while these groups of "thems" breaks my heart a little, I also have to remember that in order to make "them" happy, I would have to (1) become something other than who I am (2) grovel and give them their way all the time (3) make other people very unhappy (4) stay silent as the grave. Yeah, that last one might win me some friends once I do die. But we aren't there yet, so...
What is a person to do? I have stopped trying to please everyone, though there are still some people who can pull strings better than I would like. I have learned to stand up for myself and my loved ones when necessary. I have learned that I have to make my own priorities, and sometimes ... sometimes that keeps people from liking me very much. But what do I do?
It is what it is AND "all shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of all things shall be well."
I'm sorry not all of the people who have crossed paths with me are thrilled by the crossing. I simply have to trust that as I do my best (which sometimes, I know, sometimes is NOT good) but as I try my hardest I have to trust that it will all work out somehow someway.
When I played volleyball with friends in a little town outside of Abilene, Texas, and a call didn't go our way our reply was always, "It will come out in the wash." So, I hand over my desire to defend myself, I pass on the opportunity to try to save my reputations, and I accept that some things I have no control over.
And so... "people" I hope you do well. I wish you no ill will.