Cleaning... or nesting

Last week I could not have told you what I was doing. Well, not deeper. On the surface I cleaned. Every day I took a few hours and tackled an area I had been avoiding or scared me.
  • I pulled everything out of the lower cabinets in the kitchen. With help from my youngest I vacuumed out the spiders in the cabinet space which isn’t used. Then I reorganized and put things back so the cabinet is now used regularly. Don’t want to give those spiders a reason to camp out.
  • I opened the doors to two closets which were dark and scary. Pulled everything out and vacuumed well. Returned things to a more organized state. There were two boxes in one closet which had been in the same state since Captain was afraid of being laid off 5 years ago. 5? Well, at least one move ago. They are gone and emptied.
  • I share a room with Captain that is off our bedroom. I keep my craft items, quilting supplies, and extra yarn in my half. I also have my computer, notebooks, research books, and pens. My area had started to grow exponentially. After decluttering a little, but organizing and compressing incredibly, Captain remarked, “It looks like I once imagine it would.” His comment thrilled me.
  • Then we took to the garage. Both boys and I headed out, began pulling everything into the driveway, and put the brooms to good use. I am pleased to say there were no live spiders in this area thanks to me staying on top of the spraying. We got rid of all the cobwebs and reorganized. This drew the raised eyebrow of Captain as I changed his stuff this time, but it works and he can get to it all easier. I even found I had a dustpan out there. Who knew!?
Physically this was what my week looked like. Mentally I was internally dealing. I had done no writing on these days. After I finished the garage everything came to a head and I was able to really grasp some things. I realized, without a doubt, I had been nesting. Now, I do not remember doing this with the birth of either of the boys, but I can say this was what I was doing. Waiting for a big change. Controlling what I can.

My house is way cleaner. I smile when I enter all those areas not afraid of what might be in a dark corner anymore. I’m doing better after all the sweeping. I think the hard work helped me emotionally deal with the upcoming change. And we have a little less than a week left. Plenty of time to make sure my big girl panties are on, celebrate the oldest, and get him ready for the change he is about to make.

I wonder if I can get him to nest in his room before he leaves…..

Comments

  1. I have some tears rimming my eyes on this one. I can't believe you have less than a week left. I'm so glad you feel like you have all this time free now for just being together. It's amazing how much you can process while you are doing other jobs than need doing. Happy that your words are back.

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    1. Ah, the words come and go, don't they? Thank you Amy.

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  2. ((((Hugs))))

    There are words and thoughts but mostly i just want to send you hugs. What big changes...what a big adventure ... praying.

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  3. Nesting ... appropriate word for the activity that filled my own hands just a few months ago, waiting for the birth you are about to go through. There is pain and then waiting, then out of timing another pain will roll over you. And all I want to do is tell you that it is hard and beautiful all mingled together. And that every birth has its own story. You are brave. You wouldn't have made it this far in parenting and not be. I am sending you love and prayers. Thank you for allowing us into the room to wait and champion you on in the celebration of life.

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    1. Oh the second pain scares me, but I think I already knew that. I nearly cried several times at the grocery store. I waffle between feeling pathetic, menopausal, and crazy. heeee :D He wasn't with me though so it's all good!

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  4. I don't think I can even begin to fathom what this is like for you since my son is only 18 months old. I'm amazed at the strength with which you are handling it and the love you are sending out your son with. I hope I can do that one day with whatever God honoring road my son chooses.

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    1. Oh, don't even think about it yet! Just enjoy right where you are. :)

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  5. Oh friend...my heart palpitates every time I pray for you right now! I can tell we are kindred, for I'm certain that is exactly what I'd be doing -- expelling my energy into something productive. My hubby always jokes that I'm going to scrub the finish off of our kitchen counters as they're usually my field of choice ;)

    Love and hugs to you, Stacey.

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    1. Thank you Nikki. Thank you for the prayers.

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  6. I have not been there... so I have no words of "Been there, done that, I know how you feel." I imagine that words of "You're going to be okay" and "this too shall pass" are words that are true and could be offered. They are always said, and I suppose they're usually true, in retrospect. But...

    Your bravery, though you may not feel it, is beautiful.

    Cheri posted something on FB awhile back in regard to the so-hard things she is going through right now that had me reflecting on what it feels like to be told we are brave or strong when we feel anything but. For me, it was when C&M were in the NICU so many years ago and then home still sick, and how many times I heard how strong I was. It always made me want to laugh at the people saying it, though their intentions were good. How could they not know how much I was NOT holding it together? That I wasn't brave or strong... but just doing what I had to do to get through it. I felt like anything but the Superwoman they tried to tell me I was.

    And not to transfer my experiences onto yours... but when I tell you that I think you're brave and wonderful and amazing, I will understand if you laugh at the screen and think I might possibly be smoking crack.

    I'm not. :) And you are wonderful.

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    1. Jo you always know the right words to say. Thank you so much for your encouragement and love!

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  7. Cleaning and showers are what I do when I'm doing lots of processing of emotional stuff. You'd think my house would be magazine-ready after the summer we've had and the emotional fun still to come. :D (((HUGS)))

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    1. Ha! Right? It's amazing how quickly we mess up the neatness.

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