You are not my priority.

Oh my gosh. Okay, deep breath. I can’t believe I said that out loud. Even though it’s so often the truth, it’s hard to say, isn’t it? We want everyone to feel as if they are our priority, and we want the reverse to be true too. We want to be everyone else’s priority. If it's important to us we want it to be important to others. The problem is life would get crazy if we lived in such a way.

I’ve actually been struggling with this for a few months now. There have been a few situations where I thought I should fall higher on someone’s priority list, but didn’t. I had to look at the situations without hurt or anger, realistically accept how things are, and readjust my levels.

1. Look at the situation without hurt or anger.

Sometimes this is hard, isn’t it? You have placed someone high in your priorities, only to find out they do not reciprocate. It really shouldn’t matter but it does. Well, here’s the news flash: There are times they simply need to readjust their priorities, and it has nothing to do with you. There are also times when life changes and they are adjusting to a new normal, again nothing to do with you. Then last, sometimes we misinterpret actions when they have nothing to do with us. Do you get the idea I’m going for here? We don’t need to be hurt or angry because so often where we fall on someone else’s priority list has nothing to do with us. Rather it has to do with situations, other decisions, and their time constraints. While we wish things were different, don’t take another’s choices as personal strikes against you.

2. Realistically accept how things are.

In order to do this you are going to have to make a big decision. Do you want or need to confront the person, or can you let things be and move on? If you decide to talk to the person then be willing to truly hear them. However, I think the majority of the time no discussion is needed. Truth be told, you have to simply accept the fact you do not fall high in their priorities. Whether this is situational or a lifetime change, we cannot force them to make us a priority. Accept what is as it is.

3. Readjust my levels.

Remember when I talked about the {levels of me}? If not go read the post quickly because it is SO important to living with peace and understanding this paragraph. If the people who have let you down were in your inner circles, consider letting them take one step backwards. This does not mean you think less of them, or you don’t love them. What it simply means is you do not expect more from them than they can give. It’s actually one of the best ways you can love them and yourself.

There have been times in my life I wish I had taken these steps. I believe I would have been able to deal with past situations in a much more healthy way. I know it has helped me this go round. This doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt sometimes. It does. We simply can’t keep living in the hurt. I think these three steps will help us move into a new normal where we are more accepting of those we love in a loving way.


  1. Stacey, this (and Levels of Me) really resonates with me. From the moment I was pregnant with my 4th, through the present, I have felt completely knocked on my butt by life. I have had to do tons of praying and learning and trusting and reordering. Hard, but necessary and good. I've learned so much about my limitations, and who it is healthy to share myself with. So, thanks for these words and tips. They take grace and practice, but hey so, so good! Blessings to you!

    1. Truly, they are lessons I remind myself of often. I also had to adjust much of my thinking over the past few years. I have simply been grateful to those willing to teach me, and it seems right to pass on what I have learned via others or by experience! :) Thanks so much, Mandy.

  2. These are really good... I've had to do this a few times recently too... and it's hard. Accepting that you're not as high as... well, as you think you should be, or as you WANT to be... that's hard. But it's also okay. We're still okay.

  3. Hard when you and the children are not your husband's priority. Confrontation has accomplished nothing. Trying to realistically accept and readjust.

    1. Oh my dear, I am so sorry. I will be praying for you. God knows. He does. ((hugs))


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