In case you were curious.

So, who am I to write about fear and doubt and lies? I am a girl who has had more than her share. I lived believing more lies than I can count. I have been cynical, defeated, scared, and unsure. I worried about what people thought and failing. I made decisions based on the wrong things. I have lived a life of fear for most of my 42 years.

I remember being young, maybe 3rd-4th grade, and lying in bed thinking up worst case scenarios. My goal was always to find a way to survive whatever it was I had dreamt up, but it created a mentality of being constantly worried the worst would happen. As I got older these feelings never really left though nothing ever happened. So while I lived in a reality of blessings, my mind was wrapped in fear, doubt, and lies.

About October last year I decided to start changing things. I decided to change myself, not that this was the first time I had tried such a thing. I had tried, improved a bit, and slid back too many times to count. People had grown impatient with me. This last time I was determined to make the changes permanent and I am grateful to say I have seen changes stick. Through a variety of techniques, lessons, and words of others I have grown so much in the past year and a half.

I’m still fighting the fears, doubts, and lies. Just this past weekend I struggled with feelings of not being enough, failing, not being what someone else wanted, trying to fit in, and not belonging. I was waiting for someone to tell me what I was attempting to do wasn’t something I could do. Instead my dear husband spoke with me about all of it and talked me through it. I hadn’t forgotten the truth, but I simply couldn’t remember. He helped me remember all I had learned to help myself. The grace was in the fact I didn’t stay there for a long period of time.

So, who am I to write about fear and doubt and lies? I am a girl who still struggles but is winning the fight. I shine light on my lies, doubts, and fears, and those of others. The words I share to encourage you are sometimes the words I need desperately to hear. I believe as I write I will help myself and others. So, that is who I am and why I am writing these things. In case you were curious.

Comments

  1. Beautifully written. I wish we could visit now, as it's been over a year and a half since we met : (in person, of course we've known each other virtually for 8 or 9 years!)

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    1. It was great to see you at Cracker Barrel that time! Yes, it may be a bit far right now. :) And it's almost surreal that we have known each other for that long.

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  2. It's way too easy to believe the lies, isn't it? So thankful for all that you have learned and that your husband can remind you. God is good, isn't He?
    Much love to you!!!!

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  3. Thank You for letting me in :)

    Xo,
    Patti

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    1. Thanks for coming by and staying, Patti!

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  4. I would rather hear advice and real talk from someone who has been there and who IS there than from someone who talks down from on top of a mountain. But my prayer for you is that someday it becomes less of a fight... because I think you're pretty amazing, far more amazing than you know.

    Love you...

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