Learn to Concentrate

I want to thank you for your kind comments in the recent posts. I am especially fond of my little squirrel friend, no he has no name, but he does visit regularly. I wonder what he will do to my future garden, but that is then and for now I will appreciate the times he comes to visit me. And as far as the knots, I love the shared analogy that the knots help us hang on to the rope better. This week I have been hanging, but I hope to get ready to start climbing again.

This weeks chapter in the book was about learning how to concentrate. The author gave an example of how he worked at home and had to learn to focus on his writing and not the kids playing outside. Of course, that's not how it has worked out in my life this week.

Concentrate::

to come to or toward a common center; converge;

to become more intense, stronger, or purer

I have decided that we all think we are becoming "more ourselves" every once in a while because we are simply getting to know ourselves better or differently after a period of time. It seems that we go through different seasons in our life, and I believe that is how it should be. Prior to this past year my favorites were not known to me as well as the favorites of my kids. They have been nearly my singular focus since the day the oldest was born, and in a few days the youngest will be 15. I ask myself, how did we get here? The answer is: in a very natural way, day by day.

I have talked before how this year is going to be one full of changes. And I talked recently about subtracting things from my life. I want to clarify that the things that I removed are not necessarily bad things. I simply learned back when my children were babies that I could not do it all. I have done different things at different times as they have been growing up, but never did I think that I should put everything on my check list. So this is another time, for it has happened many times, where I needed to subtract things in my life.

Think of it as what I said when I talked about my goals for the new year. I started out as one, broke it out to bigger and more, then narrowed it again to see where I was. It was a concentration of me. I think this is why I feel a little squeezed right now. As I mentioned in my knots post, there is a lot going on now, a lot I'm worrying about for tomorrow, and a lot letting go of yesterday.

Most days I am at the point that I am with my squirrel friend. I enjoy today and don't worry about tomorrow. Some todays are hard enough anyway. But regardless of what I am working on, regardless of how I feel about yesterday and/or tomorrow, and regardless of what I have let go or picked up, all of this is showing me who I am.
I don't remember the quote right now, but in the back of my mind sits a thought that hardships, troubles, complications may not bring the best out in us, but they bring the truth out in us. Who am I that is showing up? Honestly, some I don't like much, and some I'm okay with. I have also seen who I used to be, and how far I have come.

In the past I would have quit out of frustration by now, but I haven't. In the past I would have looked for someone new to affirm my direction; I haven't. In the past I would have regretted some hard decisions, and changed them simply to make life easier on others, but I haven't. In the past I would have come up with excuses to do what I want to do, but I haven't. In the past I would have forgotten my original goal, but I haven't.

I have been weak, and weepy, and fearful but I have stayed on course. And while I know I have much to learn and many areas to grow, it seems that the concentration of me isn't so bad after all. And for that I am grateful.

I may wax nostalgic from time to time, or post about my worries for the future, because those things are there. But I'm living this life the best way I can, and it seems that I'm doing okay. Some days great, some days not so much, but all in all: okay. After all, I'm getting there in the most natural way possible: day by day.