31 Days of Being Still:: Put It Into Practice
"What if I get through this time and learn nothing!?!"
My morning started with a small anxiety attack brought on by worry and role playing in my mind. By the time I got to my time to be still I was a mess. The first thought I had was the above question. I was so upset because of fear, worry, doubt, feeling out of control, and hurt from someone else. Here I am on day 23 and I am still falling into the same old traps, same old habits. I guess I could simply tack the failure label on again and move forward.
This time, however, I tried to be still in the midst of my panic. I cried out to God, and told him, "I want to just leave it in your hands." That was what I wanted to do. I knew that I could spout all the information I was learning. I could share the insights God was giving me, but if I didn't put it into action then it was all for nought. It wasn't that I hadn't learned anything. It would be that I hadn't put it into practice.
I sat there in the silence, and felt nudged to do my Bible study. I knew my quiet time was not over so I simply set that notebook to the side. That day the study was about obeying God because His rule is right. Trusting God. The tears started again, but differently, and I continued on. When I got to this passage I simply had to stop and put my head on the table as I cried some more.
Isaiah 51:12-13 "I, I am he who comforts you; who are you that you are afraid of man who dies, of the son of man who is made like grass, and have forgotten the Lord, your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, and you fear continually all day because of the wrath of the oppressor, when he sets himself to destroy? And where is the wrath of the oppressor?"
As I finished my study and pulled my notebook back I realized that God will take care of me in this situation as he did in the situation last week. I don't know what that looks like exactly. I don't know how it will all end up. But I do believe that God is right. I do believe that God is God. And so, while my heart is still calming down, and my soul is more focused on God, the thing that tickles me most is God is changing me. All because I started to be still.